So I’ve never been one to turn down fun, unless my body simply denies me the ability. But I have noticed that I don’t necessarily allow myself to have fun in every day situations and even in fun situations that I put myself in, I don’t fully allow myself to enjoy! I’d rather focus on the pain or the fact that I don’t have enough money or I’m too far from my family…. it’s like that old quote ‘the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care.’ Somehow, somewhere in my life I made this my motto and I didn’t even know it. It has become far more apparent to me recently and I do NOT like it!
I’m not an all around grumpy person, don’t get me wrong. But I’m far from bubbly too! haha! I know that I’m a cranky beotch and I have been for many, many, many years…it started at about 14 or so and I guess I never ‘outgrew’ it, so now I have learn this for myself. How you ask? I have no clue.
My Sister….always the glass half FULL gyrl! I’ve always admired her for that! I wonder if she knows that? I better share. I’ve been doing that alot lately…sharing strange things with people via text or email that I would probably never say to them and I’m sure that my family has dubbed me as ‘strange’ because of it, but I don’t rightly care. OK off subject again…sorry.
Me…glass half EMPTY! always….why is that? Even at the best time in my life, making good money in a good career that I enjoyed. Big house for all of my relatives to stay in and hang out at. A wonderful wife and kid. I’ll find a way to be unhappy about something. Now that’s a hell of way to live. Where did I learn this? How do I change it? I think alot of it’s guilt. I like to harbor my guilt and I refer to it frequently, it seems to be a ‘comfort’ zone for me. Though obviously it’s not very comforting!
Anyway….I suppose this a better question for a therapist, though I’m definitely not a fan of therapy. Maybe since I realized this on my own, I can fix it on my own too?! I think I’ve always found it a bit childish to get so excited over little things, to always look on the bright side and I’ve looked down on the people in my life that have these wonderful attributes. Instead of thinking negatively about them, I should have been learning from them!
There will always be bad things in life, but the good things will pass you by and you may never experience them if you stay focused on the bad.