2011 I wanted you to be good to me

Every year on New Year’s Day we all believe that the new year will be spectacular…something made of magic. We NEED to believe this, we WANT to believe this. Sometimes it’s just not so.

I’m not going to be a whiny cry baby “Oh this year already sucks” or “I wish I had 2010 back already” like some people I’ve heard already and it’s only the 4th day of the year! haha! But I have to say that this year hasn’t started out great for me.

My son flew back to Colorado on the 1st, I didn’t get any sleep the night before and I had 3 beers on New Years Eve…not a good idea. I cried for an hour the night before he left, not wanting him to go. The lack of sleep made my fatigue, headache and body pain 10X worse the next day and the beer didn’t help at all. I knew better, but it had been so long since I had a beer and I really really wanted one! I cried on the way to the airport, trying to hide the tears under coughing and my shades. I could barely say goodbye because I was crying so hard and then I felt bad for making him feel bad. I just didn’t want to let him go. Selfish.

I came home and started putting away his things and washing his sheets. I do this immediately because in the past, I’ve been known to drag them out and lay with them just so that I could smell him and cry some more.  He informed me that this was rather creepy when he found out, but I really don’t care.  I cried through cleaning, I cried through the laundry. I cried while watching a movie. I cried when I went to the restroom cuz his suitcase was no longer in my way. I cried when I showered cuz his loofah was no longer in the shower. I cried when I tried to play video games cuz he was not here to beat the level that I could not. Man…the 1st was a long, hard day for me!!!!!!!!!!

I felt bad for my wife as I was simply a blubbering mess and no matter what I did, I couldn’t make it stop. Thankfully the next day was better. There were still tears, but they were fewer and farther between. The fatigue got a little better but I was starting to feel sick. Really? Come on 2011…can I have a good day yet?

3rd day in and I’ve lost most of my voice and can feel the cold sneaking in to my head, but got 2 unexpected interviews at the last minute! That’s a good sign! or not…oh well, no big surprise there I guess.

4th day I fully planned on waking up feeling better, doing some yoga, visiting some employment agencies and setting my goal for finding a job in the next 2 weeks. After over a year, I’m not sure why I think it’s going to be ‘snap my fingers’ easy all of a sudden, but hope never hurts does it?!  Well, hope is all it will be at this rate. I’m laying in bed feeling like poo and resting. Oh and I forgot to mention the ridiculous COLD weather! It makes me so miserable all day, every day! I didn’t move to Cali for 30’s and 40’s! I despise the cold!

Maybe the 5th day will be the key to the Happy New year for me?! If not…I guess I have 360 more to try out!

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About fibrorelief

I was diagnosed with FMS, IBS and CFS 3 yrs ago and after trying all the medications, I've been determined to find relief naturally. View all posts by fibrorelief

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