Monthly Archives: January 2011

1st day down

WOW, somehow I made it through the 1st day of work after a year and a half! I don’t know how!

Of course good ole’ Mother Nature, who is the worst of my fibro nemesis, decided she’d come for a visit the day before I start my new job. Seriously?! Sometimes I really wonder what I did to deserve this! ha! I knew I’d wake up tired, cranky, in a fog and in serious pain and knowing how evil she is, I was right! After not sleeping hardly at all, probably due to nerves but mostly pain, I made myself get up early enough to do some yoga in hopes to make it through the day without too much pain. Took my Aleve and extra vitamins..grasping for anything that might help.

By noon I was insanely miserable. My back hurt so bad that neither standing, walking or sitting made it feel better. Every inch of my body hurts. It hurts to type, it hurts to hold a pen and it even hurts if I sit just so on my pants. By 5pm I had taken another dose of Aleve and a xanax in hopes of relaxing my ridiculously painful body. I’m home now on 2 heating pads, rice socks strewn across my body.

I really didn’t want this to be the way it went the first day back to work. I really NEEDED to feel good, to know that I could accomplish everything thrown at me today. The fog took hold and hopefully I wrote down everything I needed to remember! Even better, I have another 5 days to feel this way before I’m back to feeling a little more ‘normal’!

Whatcha gonna do?!? I think I’ll rip my innards out to avoid this torture every month!



getting older is just lovely….

So I’ve been texting my Mother more frequently about the ‘joys of aging’ and she is getting a great big kick out of it! I on the other hand, find it annoying and not so hilarious, but it’s part of living so hey, whatcha gonna do, right?!

I was excited about some wrinkle cream I found on sale  the other day and couldn’t wait to try it out! Mom got a kick out of that one! It worked more in my head than on my wrinkles I think, but hey…it made me feel better for the evening out!

Yesterday I finally broke down and bought my first pair of old lady reading glasses. They’re cute…purple snake skin looking, little bitty things. But I swear the 1st glance of myself in them and I thought my Mom was visiting! I kid you not! SO wierd!  According to the ‘tests’ I found online I probably needed a 2.00 but I opted to start with a 1.00 to see if that helped. I can definitely see clearer while staring at the computer and we shall see about the headaches after this morning’s blogging and FB sessions! haha!

So when I told my Mom that I had purchased them she felt bad, or so she said! haha but she also reminded me that I’ve been lucky; when  everyone else in my family has to wear glasses/contacts on a regular basis, this is the first time I’ve really really needed them so I guess she’s right there….36 years without! Wait…that means at LEAST another 36 (I hope) WITH them! hahaha! Geez Leana, pessimist much!? Why yes, thank you.

Ooops, sidetracked again, sorry. So anyway….I’m getting older. I guess I’ll learn to embrace that rather than run from it. Running won’t do me any good I guess, considering I can only run a few feet before feeling like death is taking over my body! hahahaha! You’d think I’d be used to feeling older by now with all the heating pads I require and that wonderful old lady smelling cream I put all over my body!

I knew I could trust good ole’ Maxine for this blog! I just love her!

allow yourself some fun..then actually enjoy it!

So I’ve never been one to turn down fun, unless my body simply denies me the ability. But I have noticed that I don’t necessarily allow myself to have fun in every day situations and even in fun situations that I put myself in, I don’t fully allow myself to enjoy!  I’d rather focus on the pain or the fact that I don’t have enough money or I’m too far from my family…. it’s  like that old quote ‘the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care.’  Somehow, somewhere in my life I made this my motto and I didn’t even know it. It has become far more apparent to me recently and I do NOT like it!

I’m not an all around grumpy person, don’t get me wrong. But I’m far from bubbly too! haha! I know that I’m a cranky beotch and I have been for many, many, many years…it started at about 14 or so and I guess I never ‘outgrew’ it, so now I have learn this for myself. How you ask? I have no clue.

My Sister….always the glass half FULL gyrl! I’ve always admired her for that! I wonder if she knows that? I better share. I’ve been doing that alot lately…sharing strange things with people  via text or email that I would probably never say to them and I’m sure that my family has dubbed me as ‘strange’ because of it, but I don’t rightly care.  OK off subject again…sorry.

Me…glass half EMPTY! always….why is that? Even at the best time in my life, making good money in a good career that I enjoyed. Big house for all of my relatives to stay in and hang out at. A wonderful wife and kid. I’ll find a way to be unhappy about something. Now that’s a hell of way to live. Where did I learn this? How do I change it? I think alot of it’s guilt. I like to harbor my guilt and I refer to it frequently, it seems to be a ‘comfort’ zone for me. Though obviously it’s not very comforting!

Anyway….I suppose this a better question for a therapist, though I’m definitely not a fan of therapy. Maybe since I realized this on my own, I can fix it on my own too?! I think I’ve always found it a bit childish to get so excited over little things, to always look on the bright side and I’ve looked down on the people in my life that have these wonderful attributes. Instead of thinking negatively about them, I should have been learning from them!

There will always be bad things in life, but the good things will pass you by and you may never experience them if you stay focused on the bad.

exercise, exercise, exercise-ugh!

OH how I hate that word!!!!!!!!! If I hear one more person tell me that’s all I need to feel better, they will get poked in the eye! I promise!

We’ve all heard this from so many people. We all complain about it and we all know that if those ‘helpful’ folks could feel how we feel for one single day they would never ever tell us that again. But they can’t and hopefully they never have to.

However I have to admit that since I started the yoga months ago I do have many more good days than bad. Yes, i am giving yoga credit for this. I don’t consider it exercise because I just don’t want to. stubborn..yes! I think of it more as my tool to feel better. It makes it easier for me to make myself do it and it doesn’t sound so painful and scary that way! haha! Whatever we need to get us through the day, right?!

I LOVE my yoga…I find myself doing it in the shower because it feels so good under the hot water! I find myself stretching while doing the dishes…yoga? maybe not specifically, but really it’s all the same to me because it makes me feel better! Yoga after all, is just stretching in different poses. I find myself doing it while waiting my turn to play wii. I find myself doing it in bed! No…it will NOT cure me, I know that. No, it will NOT make my super bad days better. But like I said, I do believe it’s given me more good days and in my book that is SO well worth it!

I ride my bike because I enjoy it. Yes, its exercise and of course I know that, but I don’t set out to ride my bike because I NEED TO EXERCISE. I do it because I enjoy it, it feels good. Even on super bad days when I don’t enjoy anything, I will make myself get up for 5 minutes and do as much light stretching as I can because I know that if I choose to lay here and not move instead, I may have to do that another day too.

My point of this blog is to say that even though we KNOW we NEED to exercise we won’t do it because we can’t do it like everyone else. If we find something that is easier on our bodies and is actually enjoyable then we probably are going to be more inclined to do that regularly. So today try something new…any activity that could make you feel better. Walk, ride you bike around the block (just around the block if that’s all you can do), walk on the beach for a few minutes if you have that luxury, walk the dog just a little bit further and a little bit faster if you can, streeeeetch because your body will thank you for this one, click the yoga link on my page it’s super easy to do, reach over and touch your toes…or at least try, reach up to the sky as tall as you can, it feels good, anything…do anything for 5 minutes. Then tomorrow try 10 minutes if you can…and so on and so forth. And when you have a bad day and have go back to only 5 minutes, SO WHAT?! 5 minutes is better than none!

don’t ‘exercise’ just make yourself feel better!

Meditation challenge

Now I know what meditation may sound like to some….strange. haha! What good could come of sitting so long attempting to tap into some ‘other side of ourselves?’ Some ‘peaceful’ side? Is there such a thing? Not in my brain!

But I’ve been reading alot on it lately and ‘FibroHaven’ posted a great link on FB yesterday. I read it and now I’m going to give it a try. I have nothing to lose except 15 minutes a day that I probably would spend doing nothing but laying in bed or sitting on the sofa anyway.

They tell us all the time that the key to our feeling better is to keep trying new things that could make us feel better, so I’m in! It’s a 21 day challenge….because supposedly it takes 21 days to get into the swing of a new routine, to make it a habit.

I don’t know if I can sit comfortably or peacefully for 15 minutes, but today I will try and for the next 2o days I will try! If it means a little pain control or keeping my mind from thinking about other things I cannot control, I am SO IN!

If you are interested, the link is here.

If you don’t know FibroHaven, check her page out!

I love this pic cuz it has the lotus in it!

Incase you haven’t seen my lotus…..

who knew it could feel SO good?!

So the wife talked me into riding bikes with her to her office yesterday as she wanted to try it out before she started riding to work. Right now we are sharing a car, luckily the temp job I got is close enough that I can go get her on her lunch and she can take me back as she will get off an hour earlier in the evening.

So I agreed as she recently fixed up my bike and it’s so beautiful! I haven’t had a chance to ride it yet! In the summer I rode alot, to the grocery store and to the park and library. Those things are close to the house so it never felt like a big deal. She mapped out the ride to her office and thought it to be about 2 miles one way. Ok I can do this! We used to ride to the beach all the time when she wasn’t working either and though it was hard, it was doable.

We were timing our ride so that she would know how long it would take each morning to get there. I was doing my best to keep up with her, she’s on a 10 speed and I’m on a beach cruiser. She naturally rides faster and stronger than I do, but she always waits and doesn’t complaint that I’m super pokey! haha! We shaved off about 5 minutes due to my pokiness and made it in 15! Her GPS gave her a shorter way home so we tried that route on the way back. She probably could’ve made that in about 10 minutes, but I was getting tired and it took us about 20 as I had to stop a time or two to take a break.

We got home and I wanted to see  how far it would be to my new office, in the event that I decided to ride too! Yahoo maps said my office was 3.5 miles but it sure felt like hers was closer, so I re-mapped hers and it said 4.5 miles! Holy cow…I had ridden 9 miles and didn’t even know it! I wasn’t in pain, I actually felt pretty good. I had extra energy and didn’t feel the need to lay on the couch the rest of the day! Amazing! We went down to the beach to watch the sunset and throw the frisbee around and look for shells!

I was pretty sure I was going to pay for 9 miles today, but amazingly enough I fell asleep at 11pm (unheard of for me) and slept pretty well until about 5am when my belly decided it was time for breakfast. No, I think not belly. I made myself go back to sleep and slept soundly until the annoying school children next door woke me up at 8am! I probably would have slept until about 10 had I gotten up and closed my window at 5am when I was awake, but I forgot!

Today, I have energy, no pain from riding my bike for an hour or playing on the beach. It’s a miracle! I just wish my body would allow me to do something like this everyday without severe ramifications. A pipe dream, I know! I’m just thankful for today and that I feel good enough to get up, do my yoga and maybe ride my bike to the park! I love good days. Who knew 9 miles could feel so good?!

my shoulders are definitely lighter today…

I got good news this morning….I was offered a temporary, full time position through April that I’ve been waiting to hear about for weeks!

My shoulders are definitely lighter today! The stress of finding a job by Jan 29th was getting intense, but I signed the offer letter today. Even though its temporary, I feel SO much better today! I think I was having a bit of a pity party yesterday..hey, we gotta do what we gotta do sometimes! haha!

I now have a week or so to prepare myself and get in the right frame of mind and body! I’m fearful, yes of being able to make it to work every day and not have a nasty fog in my head. But I can do this! As one of my fellow bloggers said recently ‘I think I can, I think I can…I KNOW I can!’

The job is going to be MUCH less stressful than what I’ve done for the last 6 years so I’m very thankful for that! Of course the pay is MUCH less too, but I can pay my bills and keep food on the table and that’s all that matters right now! It has to be. One step at a time. I feel like this is what I need to get my ‘mojo’ back or find out for sure that I just can’t do it anymore…either way, it’s a stepping stone to one path or the other. Only time will tell.

OK enough of the cliches for today. I’m feeling like celebrating right now and by golly, celebrate I shall! Enjoy the little things.  Had to throw one more in there! haha!

I hope you are all having a pain free, stress free day today!