Multi-tasking was seriously a hobby for me. I would literally set myself up to see exactly how many things I could do WELL at once. I was the QUEEN! But low and behold…the Fibro has dethrowned me.
I had an incredibly stressful job…where I was literally on 2 phone calls at once, filing and or typing, and coming up with answers to 5 questions in my head…ALL AT ONCE! I was a rockstar at my job and at my life…anything that was thrown at me, I conquered, without fear and without hesitation.
Today, I cannot talk on the phone and walk at the same time, who are we kidding? I can’t chew bubble gum and walk at the same time. Pathetic, frustrating, humiliating and sad.
I often feared the day that I could no longer do the things I loved…however in my head I was MUCH MUCH older and I had already accomplished many things in my life. I had a nice house, paid for. I had a nice car, paid for. Oh the dreams one will dream before knowing they are all going to be crushed. It’s hard to dream now. I know I’m supposed to be doing one day at a time. But that is really hard for someone who had most things planned out well ahead of time to ensure that all went smoothly and perfectly. No more smooth..no more perfect.
I don’t know how to act in some situations because I haven’t had the option to plan them out…to make sure they happen according to my direction. Some call that anxiety, I call it annoying! I don’t flip out, but my heart does palpitate hard and fast and my ears ring and tend to block out all other noise. I revert, I hide.
I’ve read that some experts believe that this could be part of the reason that I acquired FMS to begin with…well, isn’t that lovely? You strive to be the best you can be and look what you get?! unfair? absolutely!