I was driving into L.A. today and realized something as I thought about how much I hated driving because my concentration is no longer what it used to be and I tend to have panic/anxiety attacks when I start thinking about crazy stuff…you know like rolling my car or that those logs are going to come loose off the semi-truck in front of me and smash through my windshield. (OK maybe I watch too many dumb movies..can you say ‘Final Destination’ anyone?) But even more so I realized the ‘fog’ that was surrounding me was the same feeling I used to experience as a teenager. I used to get these weird feelings that I was ‘in a dream’ the whole world felt odd to me, seemed to have a weird haze to everything and the voices and noises sounded strange as though they were all coming from a far off distant place. I was going through alot of stress during that time as a teenager and I thought it was simply something that would go away…it did for them most part. It happened off and on since then but not nearly as frequently or as intense. Today it happened again, intensely. So intensely that I honestly debated pulling over and waiting for it to go away, but I talked myself through it and stopped the anxiety attack before it became overwhelming, but the fog remained, through my interview and all the way home, matter of fact it’s still here!
Cluster headaches started early on too…they weren’t called that, or at least I never heard them called that, but I had ALOT of headaches. I certainly didn’t have all these wonderful tender points but did have shoulder aches and dull pain in that vicinity.
I had alot of glute soreness, not intense pain like now, but just tight sore feeling…I remember my first massage at age 18 or so…the masseuse was a family friend (I grew up in a little town) and she said that my glutes were super tight, along with my shoulders and that she thought that I probably just held my stress in those areas!
Maybe I’ve had Fibro longer than I thought?! Or maybe that’s the way my body does stress. Who knows really, they seem to all go hand in hand.
Another day, another discovery…not that it matters really but hey…a discovery is a discovery, right? ha!